Shore Therapy

Social Media and Mental Health

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We are all guilty of posing, filtering and posting on social media. But what are the true effects of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and other social media sites on our mental health?

How many of us check out social media apps on a daily basis and leave feeling worse about ourselves and our lives? How many times do we look at old school friends or ex-partners and think how much more wonderful their lives are? The reality is, we all post our most rose-tinted view of ourselves and we constantly compare and compete with those around us. This surely has an effect on how we feel about ourselves and those around us.

According to a recent UK study, 62% of people surveyed reported feeling inadequate and jealous after visiting social media sites and many even reported symptoms associated with anxiety and depression. This has been linked to the idea that when we look on Facebook etc, we innately compare our life to these photos, and of course our regular day to day life will never compete to the fantasy world displayed on social media. How can a terrible day at work and a bad hair day, compare to a friend’s perfectly filtered photo in front of Central Park? The truth is it can’t compare. But it doesn’t mean that our life is terrible or that we aren’t successful.

Since the dawn of social media, our self esteem seems to be intrinsically linked to how many friends or followers we have, or how many ‘likes’ we get for our latest post. ‘Likes’ seem to have become a way for us to quantify how loveable, likeable or meaningful we are to other people, and if we don’t receive enough of these, then it therefore means we are un-loveable or invisible.

For many people who use Facebook or Instagram regularly, their self-worth is so reliant on their followers that face to face social interactions become less meaningful. It becomes more important to post about our lives than actually live it and spend the time talking to those around us. A study from the Harvard Business Review (2017) mentioned that the use of social media has produced a number of negative impacts, all of which have caused severe issues in our self-confidence and has dramatically reduced social interactions. The research stated that regular use of social media reduces pleasure in meaningful activities, self-esteem and face to face interactions with our loved ones and actually increases internet addiction, and sedentary behaviour. All of which have been linked to mental ill health.

So what to do about it?

    1. Sign out of Facebook, Instagram and other social media sites on all devices.
    2. This adds a barrier to you being able to access these sites instantaneously, and many people find the annoyance of having to sign in each time, outweighs the ‘pleasure’ we get from social media. We then naturally become less reliant on social media to meet our needs.
  • Put your focus into face to face social interactions, or other activities that give back to you emotionally.
  • This may give you a more meaningful pleasure and more often than not, give you deeper connections with those around you. You may even find that begin to notice more and enjoy the experiences fully.
  • It is also important to remember that what is posted on social media isn’t real, it is all just fantasy. Don’t get sucked in!
  • Stop torturing yourself by comparing your life with everyone else’s fantasy photos. Seek to improve your own life in a realistic manner. Choose to look at the positives and to celebrate your wins.
  • Don’t use social media when you are feeling low, down or anxious.
  • This encourages the feelings of rejection, low self-esteem and low mood. Instead put your focus into physical or social activities that give back to you.

 

Note: If you feel your use of the internet or social media is impacting your quality of life, or you experience low mood the majority of every day, please seek professional help.

Understanding Suicide

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SuicideSuicide is often thought of as a taboo topic, we seem to shy away from talking about it as though it is a shameful act. Suicide is not shameful, or selfish, or irresponsible. For many it is the only way they see that will end the pain, suffering or loneliness that they experience.

There is a wide spectrum of what can be defined as suicidal behaviour, ranging from ‘low-level suicidal ideation’ (occasionally thinking about ending your life) through to deliberate, harmful action towards oneself that results in death. Self-harm can also be described as suicidal behaviour. Self-harm is a form of mutilation that has the intention of hurting oneself, most commonly seen through, cutting, burning, hitting, picking at skin, pulling hair, biting and carving. If you witness any signs of the above self-harm please reach out and tell someone.

Understanding suicide is hugely important as intentional self-harm in New Zealand is on the rise. Last year alone, 579 people committed suicide, this is the worst it has been since records began in 2008. This 2016 statistic is only based on those who have committed suicide, there are many, many more who have attempted or experience suicidal ideation.

Suicide is not something that only occurs in the mental health demographic, anyone can experience suicidal behaviour. Whether you are from a low-socioeconomic status, suffering with illness, a celebrity, successful business man, a stay at home parent, etc, we all can experience suicidal behaviour. Suicide also does not discriminate between gender, race or age. It occurs in all age groups, all cultures and all genders.

However, there are statistics that suggest certain genders, age groups and ethnicities are more susceptible than others. Historically in New Zealand, men are more likely to commit suicide than women. Though recently, the gap between them is getting smaller- from 3 men to 1 women, to now 1 women to 2.5 men. In other words, out of the 579 people who last year committed suicide, 170 are women and 409 are men. It was also identified that men between the ages of 25-29 years and women aged 40-45 year old may be more prone to committing suicide. When it comes to cultures and suicide, the statistics showed that Maori have higher rates than other ethnicities, with men and women equally susceptible.

For many people, suicide feels like the only option to end the constant agony that they experience every day. Some have described their experience as ‘an overwhelming sense of sadness that cannot be shaken. They feel drained of peace, hope and happiness, where every happy memory is absent and all that is left is the worst experiences of your life’. To feel like this, is not merely feeling down, it is the inability to imagine ever being happy again. Therefore, any suicidal behaviour should be taken seriously.

While there is no definite way to identify if someone is about to harm themselves or commit suicide, there are some warning signs that may help to save someone’s life.

  • Increasing their alcohol and/or other drug use
  • Taking unnecessary risks and impulsivity
  • Threatening suicide and/or expressing a strong wish to die
  • Exhibiting rage and/or anger
  • Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself
  • Fascinating over or preoccupying oneself with death
  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
  • Talking about being a burden to others
  • Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
  • Isolating or withdrawing oneself
  • Displaying mood swings
  • Telling loved ones goodbye
  • Setting one’s affairs in order
  • Giving things away, such as prized possessions
  • Referring to death via poetry, writings and drawings
  • Exhibiting dramatic changes in personality or appearance
  • Changing eating or sleeping patterns
  • Declining in performance
  • Spending excessive time in bedroom or bathroom

If someone has thoughts or feelings about suicide it is important to take them seriously, support from people who care about them can be really helpful and encourage them through dark times. However, if someone has attempted suicide or you are worried about their immediate safety, you can contact the following places for support and advice.

  •  Call your local mental health Crisis Assessment Team or go with them to the emergency department (ED) at your nearest hospital. (See below for your local Crisis Team.)
  • If they are an immediate physical danger to themselves or others, call 111.
  • Stay with them until support arrives.
  • Remove any obvious means of suicide they might use, eg, guns, medication, car keys, knives, rope.
  • Try to stay calm and let them know you care.
  • Keep them talking: listen and ask questions without judging.
  • Make sure you are safe.

There are also helplines which are accessible 24/7 and can offer support via the phone. Below are the New Zealand suicide helplines:

 

(Information sourced from Ministry of Health and Psychology Today).

Controlling or Manipulative Behaviour in Your Relationship

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Treading CarefullyControlling or manipulative behaviour in relationships isn’t there from the beginning, or we wouldn’t stay. It can slowly and subtly develop over time, so much so that you barely notice at first, but soon you begin to notice how isolated and manipulated your life has become. Controlling behaviour is not specific to a particular socioeconomic status, gender, age, sexual orientation etc. It happens in all walks of life around New Zealand.

When we picture a controlling partner we usually think of an overly aggressive person who shouts and yells, makes demands, ultimatums and threats, who bullies, manipulates and commands another person. While this is often the case, it doesn’t have to be so overt.

Controlling behaviour in your relationships can also be quite subtle, partners who feel the need to dominate their significant other often have a number of different tools to create fear, intimidation and control. It is not uncommon for controlling partners to use emotional coercion as a way to influence your thoughts/feelings/behaviour. This may leave the controlled partner feeling like the ‘bad guy’ or the one at fault, or even, lucky to have such an understanding partner that they ‘put up’ with your behaviour/feelings.

Controlling behaviour does not have to end in Domestic Violence, where physical, emotional and sexual abuse are other tools used to coerce their partner. It does however, need to be taken seriously, toxic relationships are not healthy ones, and there are some signs to be aware of. If you notice more than a couple of the below signs within your relationship, please seek help and support. If at any point in your relationship you feel concerned for your safety, reach out immediately. You can contact the local Woman’s Refuge on 0800 REFUGE or DIAL 111.

Controlling Behaviour Checklist:

  • Social Isolation: if you notice you are no longer able to hang out with friends or family for fear of what your partner with think/feel/say/do.
  • Chronic Criticism: when you feel everything you do, even when done well is attacked or criticised. Even the small insignificant things are berated.
  • Love and Affection is Conditional: an example of this would be “I love you so much more when you are thinner” or “If you can’t even make dinner right, I don’t know what the point of this relationship is”.
  • Threatening Behaviour Against You or Your Behaviour: this can be both overt and veiled. It doesn’t have to be physical in nature either, comments about cutting you off from their love, sex or finances can also be threatening behaviour.
  • Spying/Snooping: when you partner constantly needs to check your phone, emails and internet history, or constant calls to find out where you are or who you are with. These behaviours are often followed with justification statements like “If you have nothing to hide, you shouldn’t mind me looking”.
  • Overly Jealous/Paranoid or Accusatory: when your partner becomes possessive and deems every interaction with another as flirtatious or teasing, even when completely innocent.
  • Lack of Alone Time: any attempts at alone time are combatted against with guilt ridden remarks or denied completely.
  • Guilt as a Manipulation Tool: even everyday things are laden with guilt. You find you are doing absolutely anything to not feel guilty, even relenting and giving up your power, opinions and behaviours.
  • Creating an Unpayable Debt: If you feel beholden to your partner for the extravagant gifts, outings, holidays, or even emotional support – particularly if they have created a sense of expectation that this needs repaying in some way.
  • Guilty until Proven Innocent: if you feel like you have done something wrong without knowing what it is you did, evidence is provided for the ‘wrong doing’ you committed and is used as a justification for punishment.

(Psychology Today)

There are many more signs for a toxic and controlling relationship. If you feel that you need someone to talk to or more information regarding controlling behaviour please reach out to a professional.

Skype Therapy Sessions

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Skype Therapy is available online through Shore TherapyTherapy does not need to be limited to an office based environment. At Shore Therapy we are able to offer Skype sessions at no additional charge either in addition to your normal office based sessions, or we can have sessions exclusively via Skype.

Having a video session online via Skype means you get the exact same therapy session as you would normally in the office, except you can do it from anywhere in the world! We have a number of clients from the greater Auckland area who book regular Skype therapy & counselling sessions and enjoy being able to avoid traffic and see their therapist from the comfort of their home, office or even bach! We have sessions with people from all over the world so you do not need to be in Auckland to have a Skype therapy session with Shore Therapy.

All you need is a computer or tablet, the free Skype video chat application and an internet connection to enjoy a therapy session from a place that is convenient to you.