Shore Therapy

Understanding Suicide

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SuicideSuicide is often thought of as a taboo topic, we seem to shy away from talking about it as though it is a shameful act. Suicide is not shameful, or selfish, or irresponsible. For many it is the only way they see that will end the pain, suffering or loneliness that they experience.

There is a wide spectrum of what can be defined as suicidal behaviour, ranging from ‘low-level suicidal ideation’ (occasionally thinking about ending your life) through to deliberate, harmful action towards oneself that results in death. Self-harm can also be described as suicidal behaviour. Self-harm is a form of mutilation that has the intention of hurting oneself, most commonly seen through, cutting, burning, hitting, picking at skin, pulling hair, biting and carving. If you witness any signs of the above self-harm please reach out and tell someone.

Understanding suicide is hugely important as intentional self-harm in New Zealand is on the rise. Last year alone, 579 people committed suicide, this is the worst it has been since records began in 2008. This 2016 statistic is only based on those who have committed suicide, there are many, many more who have attempted or experience suicidal ideation.

Suicide is not something that only occurs in the mental health demographic, anyone can experience suicidal behaviour. Whether you are from a low-socioeconomic status, suffering with illness, a celebrity, successful business man, a stay at home parent, etc, we all can experience suicidal behaviour. Suicide also does not discriminate between gender, race or age. It occurs in all age groups, all cultures and all genders.

However, there are statistics that suggest certain genders, age groups and ethnicities are more susceptible than others. Historically in New Zealand, men are more likely to commit suicide than women. Though recently, the gap between them is getting smaller- from 3 men to 1 women, to now 1 women to 2.5 men. In other words, out of the 579 people who last year committed suicide, 170 are women and 409 are men. It was also identified that men between the ages of 25-29 years and women aged 40-45 year old may be more prone to committing suicide. When it comes to cultures and suicide, the statistics showed that Maori have higher rates than other ethnicities, with men and women equally susceptible.

For many people, suicide feels like the only option to end the constant agony that they experience every day. Some have described their experience as ‘an overwhelming sense of sadness that cannot be shaken. They feel drained of peace, hope and happiness, where every happy memory is absent and all that is left is the worst experiences of your life’. To feel like this, is not merely feeling down, it is the inability to imagine ever being happy again. Therefore, any suicidal behaviour should be taken seriously.

While there is no definite way to identify if someone is about to harm themselves or commit suicide, there are some warning signs that may help to save someone’s life.

  • Increasing their alcohol and/or other drug use
  • Taking unnecessary risks and impulsivity
  • Threatening suicide and/or expressing a strong wish to die
  • Exhibiting rage and/or anger
  • Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself
  • Fascinating over or preoccupying oneself with death
  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
  • Talking about being a burden to others
  • Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
  • Isolating or withdrawing oneself
  • Displaying mood swings
  • Telling loved ones goodbye
  • Setting one’s affairs in order
  • Giving things away, such as prized possessions
  • Referring to death via poetry, writings and drawings
  • Exhibiting dramatic changes in personality or appearance
  • Changing eating or sleeping patterns
  • Declining in performance
  • Spending excessive time in bedroom or bathroom

If someone has thoughts or feelings about suicide it is important to take them seriously, support from people who care about them can be really helpful and encourage them through dark times. However, if someone has attempted suicide or you are worried about their immediate safety, you can contact the following places for support and advice.

  •  Call your local mental health Crisis Assessment Team or go with them to the emergency department (ED) at your nearest hospital. (See below for your local Crisis Team.)
  • If they are an immediate physical danger to themselves or others, call 111.
  • Stay with them until support arrives.
  • Remove any obvious means of suicide they might use, eg, guns, medication, car keys, knives, rope.
  • Try to stay calm and let them know you care.
  • Keep them talking: listen and ask questions without judging.
  • Make sure you are safe.

There are also helplines which are accessible 24/7 and can offer support via the phone. Below are the New Zealand suicide helplines:

 

(Information sourced from Ministry of Health and Psychology Today).

Controlling or Manipulative Behaviour in Your Relationship

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Treading CarefullyControlling or manipulative behaviour in relationships isn’t there from the beginning, or we wouldn’t stay. It can slowly and subtly develop over time, so much so that you barely notice at first, but soon you begin to notice how isolated and manipulated your life has become. Controlling behaviour is not specific to a particular socioeconomic status, gender, age, sexual orientation etc. It happens in all walks of life around New Zealand.

When we picture a controlling partner we usually think of an overly aggressive person who shouts and yells, makes demands, ultimatums and threats, who bullies, manipulates and commands another person. While this is often the case, it doesn’t have to be so overt.

Controlling behaviour in your relationships can also be quite subtle, partners who feel the need to dominate their significant other often have a number of different tools to create fear, intimidation and control. It is not uncommon for controlling partners to use emotional coercion as a way to influence your thoughts/feelings/behaviour. This may leave the controlled partner feeling like the ‘bad guy’ or the one at fault, or even, lucky to have such an understanding partner that they ‘put up’ with your behaviour/feelings.

Controlling behaviour does not have to end in Domestic Violence, where physical, emotional and sexual abuse are other tools used to coerce their partner. It does however, need to be taken seriously, toxic relationships are not healthy ones, and there are some signs to be aware of. If you notice more than a couple of the below signs within your relationship, please seek help and support. If at any point in your relationship you feel concerned for your safety, reach out immediately. You can contact the local Woman’s Refuge on 0800 REFUGE or DIAL 111.

Controlling Behaviour Checklist:

  • Social Isolation: if you notice you are no longer able to hang out with friends or family for fear of what your partner with think/feel/say/do.
  • Chronic Criticism: when you feel everything you do, even when done well is attacked or criticised. Even the small insignificant things are berated.
  • Love and Affection is Conditional: an example of this would be “I love you so much more when you are thinner” or “If you can’t even make dinner right, I don’t know what the point of this relationship is”.
  • Threatening Behaviour Against You or Your Behaviour: this can be both overt and veiled. It doesn’t have to be physical in nature either, comments about cutting you off from their love, sex or finances can also be threatening behaviour.
  • Spying/Snooping: when you partner constantly needs to check your phone, emails and internet history, or constant calls to find out where you are or who you are with. These behaviours are often followed with justification statements like “If you have nothing to hide, you shouldn’t mind me looking”.
  • Overly Jealous/Paranoid or Accusatory: when your partner becomes possessive and deems every interaction with another as flirtatious or teasing, even when completely innocent.
  • Lack of Alone Time: any attempts at alone time are combatted against with guilt ridden remarks or denied completely.
  • Guilt as a Manipulation Tool: even everyday things are laden with guilt. You find you are doing absolutely anything to not feel guilty, even relenting and giving up your power, opinions and behaviours.
  • Creating an Unpayable Debt: If you feel beholden to your partner for the extravagant gifts, outings, holidays, or even emotional support – particularly if they have created a sense of expectation that this needs repaying in some way.
  • Guilty until Proven Innocent: if you feel like you have done something wrong without knowing what it is you did, evidence is provided for the ‘wrong doing’ you committed and is used as a justification for punishment.

(Psychology Today)

There are many more signs for a toxic and controlling relationship. If you feel that you need someone to talk to or more information regarding controlling behaviour please reach out to a professional.

The Dangers of being a Workaholic

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WorkaholicWhat is a Workaholic?

Current Research:

Current research from the University of Bergen has shown a serious link between being a Workaholic and psychiatric disorders. It seems that those who are identified as a workaholic scored higher with psychiatric symptoms than those who are not workaholics.

The University have released some preliminary results showing how big the association between psychological issues and workaholism is:

When the study compared both workaholics and non-workaholics they found that 32.7% of workaholics met the criteria for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) while only 12.7% in the non-workaholics group. Similarly, 25.6% of workaholics met the criteria for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) while a mere 8.7% were non-workaholics. This trend continued with 22.8% of workaholics meet the criteria for anxiety compared with 11.9% of non-workaholics, and 8.9% of workaholics versus 2.6% of non-workaholics for the depression criteria.

Perhaps this study is suggesting that workaholism may be a sign of more serious psychological or emotional issues.

It is important to note that this study, at this stage, does not indicatively prove that workaholism is a cause of such disorders. It is however showing a strong link between them.

 

So Are You a Workaholic?

If you or those around you have labelled you as a workaholic, then the below test may be a helpful indicator as to whether you are a workaholic and should seek professional support.

Please circle the most appropriate answer to the best of your knowledge.

Over the past year how often have you experienced the below:

1 You think of how you can free up more time to work. Never Seldom Sometimes Often Always
2 You spend much more time working than initially intended. Never Seldom Sometimes Often Always
3 You work in order to reduce feelings of guilt, anxiety, helplessness or depression. Never Seldom Sometimes Often Always
4 You have been told by others to cut down on work without listening to them. Never Seldom Sometimes Often Always
5 You become stressed if you are prohibited from working. Never Seldom Sometimes Often Always
6 You deprioritize hobbies, leisure activities, and/or exercise because of your work. Never Seldom Sometimes Often Always
7 You work so much that it has negatively influenced your health. Never Seldom Sometimes Often Always

Scoring Often or Always on four or more criteria identify a workaholic.

If you are concerned about yourself or a loved one being identified as being a workaholic and would like more information or support please contact a mental health professional in your area, or us at Shore Therapy.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

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post traumatic stress disorderPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder is often characterised as the development of a long-lasting anxiety response following a traumatic event. Usually, those described as having PTSD have witnessed or experienced a traumatic event that threatens death, serious injury, or loss of personal integrity to themselves or another. Sometimes, you can develop PTSD from learning about a traumatic event that has happened to a loved one, this can be known as vicarious trauma.

Traumatic events that can trigger the occurrence of PTSD are; violent assault – such as physical/sexual abuse, mugging, kidnapping, being taken hostage, war, terrorist attacks, severe car accidents, natural disasters – such as hurricane, tsunami, volcano eruption, earthquakes and flooding, man-made disasters – such as explosions, fire, and chemical spills, life-threatening illnesses, or unexpected death or injury of a loved one or another person.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder usually develops between three to six months of the traumatic event and can be characterised by the following experiences:

  • Flashbacks of the event – such as dreams, images or reliving the event over and over.
  • Night terrors – really disturbed sleep and horrific nightmares often waking the person in fits of terror can be often.
  • Adversity to any object/place/person/activity that can act as a reminder to the event.
  • Any time the person is in contact with an object/place/person/activity that is a reminder of the event, it is followed or accompanied with an intense anxiety response. Panic attacks can be common.
  • Often people find it really difficult to remember specific fact or aspects of the traumatic situation.
  • Memory and concentration difficulties also become apparent.
  • Regularly, irritability or depressed mood is noticeable.
  • The outside world and people can become a very scary place, so isolation and social withdrawal are also common.
  • Hypervigilance and being startled easily can be an indicator to trauma.

Treatment:

Effective treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder can involve systematically confronting the experiences, memories and situations that are associated with the traumatic event. It can often be a scary experience, but processing through the thoughts and feelings linked to the event in a healthy way can have an amazing effect on quality of life. PTSD untreated, can be a hugely isolating and debilitating disorder that can affect how you function and experience the world.

As with most therapy, a huge part of the effectiveness of this work is the development of trust and safety between you and your therapist. This kind of work relies on the trust you have with your therapist to help keep you safe while unpacking scary and painful experiences.

If you would like to discuss Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or require more information, please contact a mental health professional or us here at Shore Therapy.

Postnatal Depression

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Potsnatal DepressionBeing pregnant and having a child are known to be the most exciting time for women, but not everyone feels this way. Sometimes, we feel angry, sad, hateful or resentful of our pregnancy or our baby. These feelings can be terrifying to acknowledge, but it does happen, and happen regularly. In fact, up to 70% of new mothers experience what is commonly called the ‘Baby Blues’, this occurs around 3-10 days after giving birth and the mother feels very emotional and tearful. But this should only last a few days, and can be quite manageable.

However, around 15% of new mothers develop a much deeper and more long-standing depression after the birth of their child. This is known as Postnatal Depression or Postpartum Depression and arises around four to six weeks after birth. Postnatal Depression can develop quickly, or it can slowly progress over time. It is also common to experience severe anxiety and even panic attacks, when experiencing PND.

Everybody experiences this differently, so it is important to keep an eye on your mood after pregnancy.

Common Signs of Postnatal Depression:

  • Feeling sad
  • Feeling very low
  • Exhaustion
  • Feelings of hopelessness
  • Feeling worthless or useless
  • Feeling guilt
  • Feeling hostile or indifferent to you partner
  • Irritability
  • Feeling angry
  • Feeling hostile towards you baby
  • Feelings of hatred towards your baby
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Reduction of appetite
  • Libido or sex drive diminishes
  • Thoughts about death or harming yourself or others.

If you or your partner are experiencing any or all of the above signs, please reach out and tell someone, whether it’s a friend, family member or a professional.

What Causes Postnatal Depression?

Unfortunately, there is no single cause for Postnatal Depression, however, both the physical and emotional changes that occur after childbirth may have a significant influence.

The obvious physical changes that occur are the dramatic decrease in the hormones oestrogen and progesterone. This can dramatically affect your mood, memory and increase the feeling of depression. Other hormones that are produced by your thyroid gland can also considerably alter your mood, increase tiredness, lethargy and hot flushes.

The emotional changes that can impact Postnatal Depression can be overwhelming. Having a new-born in the home is not an easy adjustment, sleep deprivation can make coping with minor problems feel unachievable. Many parents describe an overpowering feeling of anxiety around their ability to care for their new baby, and often feel less attractive to their partner. This can increase the feeling of sadness, hatred and resentment towards your baby, partner and birth. Frequently, feeling out of control of your life and as though you have lost your identity can be a factor in the development of PND.

Risk Factors:

While there are no specific causes of Postnatal Depression, there are risk factors that can influence the likelihood of developing Postnatal Depression.

The big thing to keep in mind is that Postnatal Depression can happen during any pregnancy or birth – Not just your first. However the risks can increase if the following occur:

  • You have a history of Depression.
  • You have already experience Postpartum Depression with a previous pregnancy.
  • You have Bipolar Disorder
  • You have close family members who have Depression or Bipolar Disorder.
  • The pregnancy was unplanned or unwanted.
  • You experience severe complications during the pregnancy or birth.
  • You experience a significantly stressful event within the year of your pregnancy, such as sudden unemployment, loss of a family member or illness.
  • Your baby has health issues, or other special needs.
  • You have difficulty breast feeding.
  • You and your partner are having relationship difficulties.

What To Do?

As with Depression, treatment options and recovery times vary depending on the severity and your individual wants and need. Everyone experiences depression differently, so each person’s treatment needs to be different. However, most people find contacting their GP is a great first option. Your Doctor is able to refer you to a mental health provider or other appropriate specialist.

Baby Blues:

For a lot of women, this is a normal part of pregnancy and post pregnancy care. The Baby Blues, usually fade away on their own and you should be experiencing an improvement in mood between 3-10days.

However, during that time it can be pretty difficult to maintain your wellbeing. Below are some self-care techniques that could really improve your mood and ability to cope with a new born.

  • Rest when you can, your body has been through a massive change, give your body time to recover.
  • When friends and family offer to help, accept their support. It does not mean you are a failure, or a terrible parent.
  • Try and socialise with other new Mums. ‘Mummy and Me’ groups are brilliant at offering support for new parents.
  • Avoid as much as possible, mood altering substances like alcohol and drugs. These can severely negatively influence your mood.
  • Try to do something relaxing for yourself at least once a day.

Postpartum Depression

A common treatment for Postnatal Depression is Psychotherapy, medication or a combination of the two.

Psychotherapy can also be referred to as ‘talk therapy’, this is due to the concept that by talking through your thoughts, feelings and concerns with a professional you may be able to find new understanding and better ways to cope with your feelings. Psychotherapy can also be helpful with setting realistic goals, managing your emotions, developing positive interpersonal relationships and self-discovery. Each therapist is different, so it is important to find the right professional that fits you and your needs.

Medication can also be an integral part of treatment for Postnatal Depression. Anti-depressants are commonly prescribed for this condition, and have a good success rate. However, it is important to work closely with your GP around your medication. If you are breast feeding it is essential that you mention this to your Doctor so you can be prescribed medication that does not transfer into your breast milk and affect your baby. It is also significant for your GP to monitor your wellbeing while taking anti-depressants, there are a number of side effects that can severely impact your ability to cope and function. These should dissipate after 4-6weeks of taking your medication, however, if they do not, it is wise to contact your GP and discuss your options. Anti-depressants should also be weaned on to and off of, you can become really unwell if you just stop taking your medication. Consult your Doctor before stopping your medication. As with seeking therapy, it is important that you find the right medication for you, it may take a few goes, but when you find the right medication it can radically change your outlook on life and increase your mood.

When taking medication and working with a Psychotherapist for Postnatal Depression, it can dramatically increase your mood and ability to cope with your new born. The medication can lift your mood enough to be able to cope and process the emotional work you do with your therapist. Everyone is different, so it is all about you finding your own treatment options that suit you and your needs.

With a treatment option that works for your, Postnatal Depression should begin to change and subside. It is important to continue your treatment even after you begin to notice the positive changes, stopping treatment too soon can lead to relapse. Speak with your Psychotherapist and/or GP about your desire to end treatment.